Character . . . Not done, yet
Not done, yet!
We are all in the art of becoming.
We are all in process.
We are all being shaped by ideas, people, culture, language, environment, clothes, and literally, food.
Yet, what's most important about the process and our becoming?
Is it the accomplishments, accolades, titles, degrees, or monetary acquisitions? Is it the lack of accomplishments, accolades, titles, degrees or monetary acquisitions?
Maybe it's something a bit more transcendent and possibly elusive, because it too is still in the art of becoming.
Maybe it's one's character? A character that's not done, yet. A character still being developed or becoming. But does character really matter in today's society?
While I wanted to give a Whetstone5 family update I'll save that for another blog coming very soon - a SHORT one , I promise! However, we're still in Boise, Danielle's got a great job and still doing a lot of design work - here's her new website. I'm still looking for a job and the kids are growing up quickly. In fact, Natalie will turn 13 on November 30th, Jer's 11 and Caleb is now 9.
One of the questions I've been tossing around lately is how will you (I) leave our mark on society? Will we actually be remembered for our character or just the #things we've done?
What will you be remembered for today? How do you want to be remembered tomorrow?
I've been asking these two questions a lot over the past couple years. In an attempt to focus and truly search, I've been fasting from posting on social media for nearly three months. Well, full disclosure, I've been tweeting every now and again.
As I've been trekking through this wilderness journey - primarily due to the loss of a second job over fourteen months ago - I've been reflecting deeply on influence, impact, legacy, and how much of it just might be tied into what I think others think of me and even what I think of myself. When I was in transition out of my career in San Diego, I had a lot of questions on life, faith, self-worth and legacy. This caused a lot of "what if" questions. What if I had said something different? What if I was just a better speaker, preacher, teacher, person? What if I was just more Latin? What if my kids don't recover from this move? What if my wife thinks differently of me now? What if... What if... What if...?
In the midst of these plaguing what if questions, I reached out to a great mentor of mine who just happened to be in his mid 80's at the time. We met for lunch and I sat down looking out over the bay and the quiet, gentle, lovingly voice of my mentor spoke with a simple open-ended question; "How are you doing Tim?".
As I sat and pondered for a moment, I then began breathlessly spewing my what if questions. However, in a very unconventional moment, my mentor put his hand on my shoulder and interrupted me, with a few words; "Excuse me Tim. But may I share something?" His interruption actually startled me because, traditionally, he would provide me the space to vent and then surprise me with incredibly reflective questions after I had finished ranting. However, this time he just asked to share something with me before I finished. Simply he said, "Tim, I'm 83 years old and I don't ask myself what if questions anymore. I only ask, "How now? How now can I love someone? How now can I love and serve Christ today?"
Granted it's a bit different for an 83 vs. a 45 year old to ask this question, but then again maybe not? If Jesus is our ultimate example of love and servanthood - as I believe he is - than the "How now?", no matter the age, should represent or better yet, re-present Jesus to the world.
This past year's journey has plagued me once again with what if questions. Yet while these may creep in, I tend to hear those words from my mentor echo in my head and it helps me refocus on the present. It also seems to provide a glimpse of hope for the future as well. A future of stepping through this season. A future of becoming that's less focused on what ifs and more focused on a very real present how now.
In other words, while I'm still working on not being concerned with accolades, accomplishments, or fame I'm beginning to realize that a legacy of character is much more important - even if it's just to a small circle of people in my ordinary life. I want others to remember how I was present and presently loving and serving - especially, my wife, children and those closest to me.
The older I get - which gets more real each day - I'm beginning to see that the character of a person just might have a greater influence on their legacy than mere accomplishments, accolades, or fame.
When I lost my job - and once again, another platform and seemingly my voice - I began to lean heavily into my social media platform. It's difficult for someone who's been given a public space for sharing for so many years - i.e, occupational pastoring - to then have it stripped away not just once but twice in such a short amount of time. It seemed that my mechanism was to find a place to share - or voice my thoughts. While I had safe spaces offered to me by some amazing friends and my spiritual director, I ended up leaning into social media.
While I believe that a lot of what I communicated was good and to a point, healthy for others, I came to realize that it was an unhealthy space for me. I was seeking to fill my loss and in a way, provide an avenue of self-worth and affirmation through the #likes of others. While still and always in the art of becoming, I was letting the wrong sort of artist make, mold, and even shape me. It was this thought that led me to abstain from social media posting for the past three months.
I've continued to process who am I, and who I need to be for others - especially for my wife and kids. I've attempted to journey deeper into the wilderness of surrender- a surrender of self-ishness to a loving artist with a different idea regarding accomplishments. The Good and Beautiful One;
For we are God's masterpiece/accomplishment created anew in Christ Jesus to do good things. God planned for these good things to be the way that we live our lives.
I wish I could say that I've reached new land and have gotten through the desert, but it seems as though it's going to be a longer journey than I expected. There is still more masterpiece carving and living to do. There is still more to be learned or unraveling as my wife likes to say. This post is my return and praise that healing does come. That there's hope for a light at the end of the tunnel. But let me declare loudly: it's not done, yet. I'm still in the process. I'm still experiencing healing. I'm still becoming in the moments where grief and gratitude kiss on a daily basis. And I'm grateful for those oasis and rivers of life in the wilderness - especially those friends who have been present even if it were just for an oasis moment.
In this day and age, especially politically and theologically where we find the polarization widening even greater I hesitate to actually attempt to talk about character - because even this idea seems polarized based on beliefs, political ideologies, or just sports affiliations. Then again, on the Enneagram I'm a 4 with a 5 wing. So here goes my challenge with a bit of feeling laced all through it!
I grew up being told by family, church, school and even societally, that character matters. That the character of person is what is truly a lasting legacy. However, it seems in today's climate that fame, pride, political party, or point of view, supersedes character. Practically, I was challenged recently by something an author referenced in one of his books dealing with the idea of character and legacy.
Back in 2008, there was an online magazine that asked a short but maybe not so simple question. If you had to summarize your life in six words, what would they be? According to the magazine, this was inspired by a legendary challenge posed to Ernest Hemingway to write a six-word story that resulted in the classic "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." The magazine was flooded with so many responses that the site almost crashed. The magazine eventually published the responses into a book; Not Quite What I Was Planning. The memories ranged from "funny to ironic to inspiring to heartbreaking". Here are a few:
"Tombstone won't say: 'Had health insurance.'"
"One tooth, one cavity; life's cruel."
"Not a good Christian, but trying."
"Cursed with cancer. Blessed with friends." (This was written by a nine-year-old boy)
"Thought I would have more impact."
As the author talked about this six-word story phenomenon he took it in a little different direction as he wrote about a few biblical characters in the story of God.
Abraham: "Left Ur. Had baby. Still laughing."
Jonah: "'No.' Storm. Overboard. Whale. Regurgitated. 'Yes."
Esau: "At least the stew was good."
Mary: "Manger. Pain. Joy. Cross. Pain. Joy."
Rich Young Ruler: "Jesus called. Left sad. Still rich."
Zacchaeus: "Climbed sycamore tree. Short, poorer, happier."
Good Samaritan: "I came, I saw, I stopped."
Humanity loves to leave their mark on history. We often try to do this at any means necessary. Even as believers, we sometimes build our own agendas and then ask God to bless them. It seems unnatural to seek anonymity. Seriously, who wants to be anonymous - unless it's something bad to say about someone, then we're all about being anonymous, especially on social media.
The Apostle Paul once wrote; We (followers of Jesus) even take pride in our problems, because we know that trouble produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope (Romans 5). This flies in the face of most of our current culture which seeks to live without struggle, pain, strife, problems, and if possible, even death. Our culture then proselytizes living in a world of happiness, fame, easy-ness and if this isn't the way life goes, then something is wrong with you.
Sadly, this pop-culture and prosperity gospel infiltrates the Church too often as well, while disguising itself as a a blessed life or living the dream. We feed this mentality by continually giving platform to the ones who already have voices. We elevate the elevated and privilege the privileged and sometimes without even recognizing how we've created our own little bubbles of importance.
In the Church, the world, and in our own personal lives, we tend to think with fame comes wisdom. Now, I'm not saying that everyone who has a platform doesn't have wisdom to share.
Yet, how many people surround us in life that help us walk the anonymous journey?
How many people do we seek for wisdom that don't have a published book, thousands of followers on social media, or a booked speaking schedule?
How many people do we take the time to sit by, listen to, or just be with, who are not going to be remembered for their prestige, but just possibly their character?
We all have a story. Most of our stories are made up in the everyday ordinary - in the weak, messy, grayish, and possibly even foolish moments of life.
Most of our stories are what takes place between each Instagram snapshot.
I believe there are a multitude of anonymous people living, leading, and leaving great legacies - like my mentor I mentioned earlier. I believe these people are less interested in #likes and more interested in loving others. Not just loving the other and leaving, but loving through presence, by loving one into friendship.
Ultimately, I'm grateful that my becoming is not done alone but in community and in Christ. That it has not only begun in the One who pursues us, but finds it's full life in the One who keeps choosing this little white-latino kid from Queens.
We are all in process. We are all in the art of becoming. We are not done, yet! Let's embrace the journey together, even if it is in the wilderness for a much longer time than anticipated. Let's embrace the how now daily so that we may love and serve graciously. This is a life that develops character through suffering, loss, grief, and joy, gain, and gratitude. Because character matters - and that's not just because I believe that holiness and character are intimately intertwined.
Character matters and it matters what it produces and develops. Is it hope?
Simply, the journey is less about accolades and more about doing justice, loving kindness, and walking humbly with OUR God, together - just possibly as holy-ness characters?!
This is a weird and peculiar way of existing. It's lives lived in-Christ and for the sake of the other. It's also lives lived that can not only be gracious but receive grace. Not only those who love, but who also allow themselves to be loved. When such a life like this is lived, redemption happens even in the everyday ordinary places of work, play and rest. The humble walk moves us to love and our love gives feet to justice. Yet, expect the unexpected, because a journey like this is full of surprises, where even oasis' and rivers appear in a dry wilderness.
I'm not done yet and that's OK.
Like C.S. Lewis, I don't want Christ to be some sort of "spiritual Lord, but rather claims the whole of [my] life for God's will." I hope to become one whom will not only be remembered as a character (some things remain since childhood ) but one whom will be remembered for a character that pointed beyond myself - not perfectly, but genuinely and as often as possible - to love, to service, to Jesus.
Just maybe my six word legacy will be: Journeyed. Failed. Tried again. Genuine. Loved.
Let's live a legacy as one's remembered for our love above anything else. In fact, let's live today as one's known by how well we love.
Not done, yet. . . That's OK. Because if it's true that endurance produces character, and character hope, and hope does not disappoint because of God's love. Then keep going.
Keep enduring.
Keep persevering.
Keep trekking.
Keep stepping. Just one step at a time.
There is hope! This shaping may be difficult and exhausting, but your character is being transformed through a never-ending-ever-expanding Love of God, enough for you, and the entire cosmos.
So. . .
What will you be remembered for today?
How do you want to be remembered tomorrow?
We are all in the art of becoming.
We are all in process.
We are all being shaped by ideas, people, culture, language, environment, clothes, and literally, food.
Yet, what's most important about the process and our becoming?
Is it the accomplishments, accolades, titles, degrees, or monetary acquisitions? Is it the lack of accomplishments, accolades, titles, degrees or monetary acquisitions?
Maybe it's something a bit more transcendent and possibly elusive, because it too is still in the art of becoming.
Maybe it's one's character? A character that's not done, yet. A character still being developed or becoming. But does character really matter in today's society?
While I wanted to give a Whetstone5 family update I'll save that for another blog coming very soon - a SHORT one , I promise! However, we're still in Boise, Danielle's got a great job and still doing a lot of design work - here's her new website. I'm still looking for a job and the kids are growing up quickly. In fact, Natalie will turn 13 on November 30th, Jer's 11 and Caleb is now 9.
One of the questions I've been tossing around lately is how will you (I) leave our mark on society? Will we actually be remembered for our character or just the #things we've done?
What will you be remembered for today? How do you want to be remembered tomorrow?
I've been asking these two questions a lot over the past couple years. In an attempt to focus and truly search, I've been fasting from posting on social media for nearly three months. Well, full disclosure, I've been tweeting every now and again.
As I've been trekking through this wilderness journey - primarily due to the loss of a second job over fourteen months ago - I've been reflecting deeply on influence, impact, legacy, and how much of it just might be tied into what I think others think of me and even what I think of myself. When I was in transition out of my career in San Diego, I had a lot of questions on life, faith, self-worth and legacy. This caused a lot of "what if" questions. What if I had said something different? What if I was just a better speaker, preacher, teacher, person? What if I was just more Latin? What if my kids don't recover from this move? What if my wife thinks differently of me now? What if... What if... What if...?
In the midst of these plaguing what if questions, I reached out to a great mentor of mine who just happened to be in his mid 80's at the time. We met for lunch and I sat down looking out over the bay and the quiet, gentle, lovingly voice of my mentor spoke with a simple open-ended question; "How are you doing Tim?".
As I sat and pondered for a moment, I then began breathlessly spewing my what if questions. However, in a very unconventional moment, my mentor put his hand on my shoulder and interrupted me, with a few words; "Excuse me Tim. But may I share something?" His interruption actually startled me because, traditionally, he would provide me the space to vent and then surprise me with incredibly reflective questions after I had finished ranting. However, this time he just asked to share something with me before I finished. Simply he said, "Tim, I'm 83 years old and I don't ask myself what if questions anymore. I only ask, "How now? How now can I love someone? How now can I love and serve Christ today?"
Granted it's a bit different for an 83 vs. a 45 year old to ask this question, but then again maybe not? If Jesus is our ultimate example of love and servanthood - as I believe he is - than the "How now?", no matter the age, should represent or better yet, re-present Jesus to the world.
This past year's journey has plagued me once again with what if questions. Yet while these may creep in, I tend to hear those words from my mentor echo in my head and it helps me refocus on the present. It also seems to provide a glimpse of hope for the future as well. A future of stepping through this season. A future of becoming that's less focused on what ifs and more focused on a very real present how now.
In other words, while I'm still working on not being concerned with accolades, accomplishments, or fame I'm beginning to realize that a legacy of character is much more important - even if it's just to a small circle of people in my ordinary life. I want others to remember how I was present and presently loving and serving - especially, my wife, children and those closest to me.
The older I get - which gets more real each day - I'm beginning to see that the character of a person just might have a greater influence on their legacy than mere accomplishments, accolades, or fame.
When I lost my job - and once again, another platform and seemingly my voice - I began to lean heavily into my social media platform. It's difficult for someone who's been given a public space for sharing for so many years - i.e, occupational pastoring - to then have it stripped away not just once but twice in such a short amount of time. It seemed that my mechanism was to find a place to share - or voice my thoughts. While I had safe spaces offered to me by some amazing friends and my spiritual director, I ended up leaning into social media.
While I believe that a lot of what I communicated was good and to a point, healthy for others, I came to realize that it was an unhealthy space for me. I was seeking to fill my loss and in a way, provide an avenue of self-worth and affirmation through the #likes of others. While still and always in the art of becoming, I was letting the wrong sort of artist make, mold, and even shape me. It was this thought that led me to abstain from social media posting for the past three months.
I've continued to process who am I, and who I need to be for others - especially for my wife and kids. I've attempted to journey deeper into the wilderness of surrender- a surrender of self-ishness to a loving artist with a different idea regarding accomplishments. The Good and Beautiful One;
For we are God's masterpiece/accomplishment created anew in Christ Jesus to do good things. God planned for these good things to be the way that we live our lives.
I wish I could say that I've reached new land and have gotten through the desert, but it seems as though it's going to be a longer journey than I expected. There is still more masterpiece carving and living to do. There is still more to be learned or unraveling as my wife likes to say. This post is my return and praise that healing does come. That there's hope for a light at the end of the tunnel. But let me declare loudly: it's not done, yet. I'm still in the process. I'm still experiencing healing. I'm still becoming in the moments where grief and gratitude kiss on a daily basis. And I'm grateful for those oasis and rivers of life in the wilderness - especially those friends who have been present even if it were just for an oasis moment.
In this day and age, especially politically and theologically where we find the polarization widening even greater I hesitate to actually attempt to talk about character - because even this idea seems polarized based on beliefs, political ideologies, or just sports affiliations. Then again, on the Enneagram I'm a 4 with a 5 wing. So here goes my challenge with a bit of feeling laced all through it!
I grew up being told by family, church, school and even societally, that character matters. That the character of person is what is truly a lasting legacy. However, it seems in today's climate that fame, pride, political party, or point of view, supersedes character. Practically, I was challenged recently by something an author referenced in one of his books dealing with the idea of character and legacy.
Back in 2008, there was an online magazine that asked a short but maybe not so simple question. If you had to summarize your life in six words, what would they be? According to the magazine, this was inspired by a legendary challenge posed to Ernest Hemingway to write a six-word story that resulted in the classic "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." The magazine was flooded with so many responses that the site almost crashed. The magazine eventually published the responses into a book; Not Quite What I Was Planning. The memories ranged from "funny to ironic to inspiring to heartbreaking". Here are a few:
"Tombstone won't say: 'Had health insurance.'"
"One tooth, one cavity; life's cruel."
"Not a good Christian, but trying."
"Cursed with cancer. Blessed with friends." (This was written by a nine-year-old boy)
"Thought I would have more impact."
As the author talked about this six-word story phenomenon he took it in a little different direction as he wrote about a few biblical characters in the story of God.
Abraham: "Left Ur. Had baby. Still laughing."
Jonah: "'No.' Storm. Overboard. Whale. Regurgitated. 'Yes."
Esau: "At least the stew was good."
Mary: "Manger. Pain. Joy. Cross. Pain. Joy."
Rich Young Ruler: "Jesus called. Left sad. Still rich."
Zacchaeus: "Climbed sycamore tree. Short, poorer, happier."
Good Samaritan: "I came, I saw, I stopped."
Humanity loves to leave their mark on history. We often try to do this at any means necessary. Even as believers, we sometimes build our own agendas and then ask God to bless them. It seems unnatural to seek anonymity. Seriously, who wants to be anonymous - unless it's something bad to say about someone, then we're all about being anonymous, especially on social media.
The Apostle Paul once wrote; We (followers of Jesus) even take pride in our problems, because we know that trouble produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope (Romans 5). This flies in the face of most of our current culture which seeks to live without struggle, pain, strife, problems, and if possible, even death. Our culture then proselytizes living in a world of happiness, fame, easy-ness and if this isn't the way life goes, then something is wrong with you.
Sadly, this pop-culture and prosperity gospel infiltrates the Church too often as well, while disguising itself as a a blessed life or living the dream. We feed this mentality by continually giving platform to the ones who already have voices. We elevate the elevated and privilege the privileged and sometimes without even recognizing how we've created our own little bubbles of importance.
In the Church, the world, and in our own personal lives, we tend to think with fame comes wisdom. Now, I'm not saying that everyone who has a platform doesn't have wisdom to share.
Yet, how many people surround us in life that help us walk the anonymous journey?
How many people do we seek for wisdom that don't have a published book, thousands of followers on social media, or a booked speaking schedule?
How many people do we take the time to sit by, listen to, or just be with, who are not going to be remembered for their prestige, but just possibly their character?
We all have a story. Most of our stories are made up in the everyday ordinary - in the weak, messy, grayish, and possibly even foolish moments of life.
Most of our stories are what takes place between each Instagram snapshot.
I believe there are a multitude of anonymous people living, leading, and leaving great legacies - like my mentor I mentioned earlier. I believe these people are less interested in #likes and more interested in loving others. Not just loving the other and leaving, but loving through presence, by loving one into friendship.
Ultimately, I'm grateful that my becoming is not done alone but in community and in Christ. That it has not only begun in the One who pursues us, but finds it's full life in the One who keeps choosing this little white-latino kid from Queens.
We are all in process. We are all in the art of becoming. We are not done, yet! Let's embrace the journey together, even if it is in the wilderness for a much longer time than anticipated. Let's embrace the how now daily so that we may love and serve graciously. This is a life that develops character through suffering, loss, grief, and joy, gain, and gratitude. Because character matters - and that's not just because I believe that holiness and character are intimately intertwined.
Character matters and it matters what it produces and develops. Is it hope?
Simply, the journey is less about accolades and more about doing justice, loving kindness, and walking humbly with OUR God, together - just possibly as holy-ness characters?!
This is a weird and peculiar way of existing. It's lives lived in-Christ and for the sake of the other. It's also lives lived that can not only be gracious but receive grace. Not only those who love, but who also allow themselves to be loved. When such a life like this is lived, redemption happens even in the everyday ordinary places of work, play and rest. The humble walk moves us to love and our love gives feet to justice. Yet, expect the unexpected, because a journey like this is full of surprises, where even oasis' and rivers appear in a dry wilderness.
I'm not done yet and that's OK.
Like C.S. Lewis, I don't want Christ to be some sort of "spiritual Lord, but rather claims the whole of [my] life for God's will." I hope to become one whom will not only be remembered as a character (some things remain since childhood ) but one whom will be remembered for a character that pointed beyond myself - not perfectly, but genuinely and as often as possible - to love, to service, to Jesus.
Just maybe my six word legacy will be: Journeyed. Failed. Tried again. Genuine. Loved.
Let's live a legacy as one's remembered for our love above anything else. In fact, let's live today as one's known by how well we love.
Not done, yet. . . That's OK. Because if it's true that endurance produces character, and character hope, and hope does not disappoint because of God's love. Then keep going.
Keep enduring.
Keep persevering.
Keep trekking.
Keep stepping. Just one step at a time.
There is hope! This shaping may be difficult and exhausting, but your character is being transformed through a never-ending-ever-expanding Love of God, enough for you, and the entire cosmos.
So. . .
What will you be remembered for today?
How do you want to be remembered tomorrow?
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