It's late and i'm . . .

It's late and I can't sleep . . . not exactly sure since I've been a bit under the weather and I didn't take a nap today? Anyway, just thinking in bed and since I was doing that why not jot a few thoughts down with a few updated pics of the most beautiful little baby girl in the world?!
It's getting close to the end of my contract. . . in fact, just a few short weeks and Timmy will be unemployed. I seem to not be worried at all, but at the same time this seems to be only something I keep telling myself- up in that big head of mine.


And then on the other side of my head I hear myself realizing that I'm just like Gideon. You know that guy way back in the day who had a problem trusting his god. And so his god sent him down to the camp of the army that he was supposed to go into battle with to be encouraged by some of his enemies. Yeah, so Gideon goes down at night with a friend of his and sits outside of this tent to then hear these two guys wake up from dreams they were having about loosing a battle to an army led by Gideon. Crazy eh? I know, God uses whatever and whomever he wants to hammer his point into some of our thick skulls that, He does have everything under control and we just need to trust him. YET, this is where, my head and my heart collide a lot of times.

You see, I sit there and I look at my beautiful baby girl and my head and my heart are in total agreement. God is awesome. This same God that was Gideon's god is my God and I trust him with Natalie. And then, I turn around and start thinking, planning, and plotting strategies about how it is "I'm" going to make it when my contract ends. And for you critics out there- oh, wait, I forgot, you like to call yourselves "realists", it's not like I'm just sitting on my butt and not doing my part in finding a job. In fact, I have been applying all over the world, but that's not the point. The point is that my head and my heart collide in a crash collision of destruction and not a "beautiful mess" collision so-to-speak -like when I met Danielle (nice one, eh?!)

Anyway, I guess all I'm saying is that trust, total abandon-self-trust, is hard. But, I'm encouraged because just like Gideon heard when he was sitting outside that tent- the battle will be won by God! So, for whatever it's worth at 2:10am on Thursday. . . try trusting the Victor!

Take care everyone!